Contest: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition Rap

A young Ferengi stopped by the office the other morning, his head hung low. We asked him what the problem was. Schoolwork, he told us. His teachers just don’t get his generation; he has to learn everything by rote, and nothing in his textbooks really speaks to him. He said even the vaunted Rules of Acquisition were a bore. What, he asked us, will he ever do if he can’t remember all 285 rules? He’d be the shame of his family! He’d never make a profit!

We asked him what really gets him excited, what really engages him. Rap, he said. Rap is what snaps him out of the doldrums and gets him ready to face the world. What, he asked us, if someone were to write a rap for him about the Rules of Acquisition? He’d be back on track in school in no time!

That’s where you come in. Throughout June, we’d like you write a rap based on the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. We’d love it if you performed your rap and posted the video on YouTube for the entire community to enjoy, but if you’d rather put on your poet’s hat and give us a few rhyming stanzas via email, that’s fine, too. We’ll be giving away four beta keys for this contest: two will be awarded to a winner and runner-up from the pool of users who submit their rap to YouTube, and two will be awarded to a winner and runner-up from the pool of users who choose to only write their rap.

Here’s the vitals:

* Create a rap based on the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition.
* Submit the rap to YouTube (or similar video host), and mail the video link to contest@crypticstudios.com, or just email your written rap to contest@crypticstudios.com.
* We’ll review from both pools and announce winners and runners-up during the week of June 29, 2009.
* Submissions are eligible from June 10, 2009, to June 26, 2009.
* Only one submission per person, please.
* Use of licensed songs will result in disqualification.
* Link to the Rules of Acquisition.
* View the contest page here.

And just to prove we can sling our own game, here’s “Gold Pressed Latinum Rules Everything Around Me”:

This is your mission:
the rules of acquisition
need to be rewritten for the next generation
that prefers rhymes over addition,
subtraction, and old school composition

Don't post a forum petition
just because your rhymes are missin’
the point of this contest
is to impress our judging coalition
Just respond to our request
and don't protest our decision

If you post your rap on youtube
and send it to our mail queue
the team will review what you
threw our way and if you make the grade
if you're weighed and measured
and serenade our treasured ears
we'll send you to our beta which may launch this year

But if you're camera shy
or don't see eye to eye with youtube's API
put your pencil to the paper and give your rhymes a try
You won't be disqualified
unless your flow is fried